March 29, 2023

Historical Lachrymology

Historical Lachrymology

What the hell has been going on? I've been a mess; crying all over the shop, in public, at home, out walking, listening to music - bloody everywhere. February has been most the intense emotional experience of my life; about five years of scars healing all at once as as I finish metabolising a frigging massive dose of narcissistic sociopathy in the networks that surround me. Man I've been eating the damn elephant...

Where am I now? Emptied and hollowed out from giving everything I have including leaving my home and possessions behind once again. The events and circumstances that brought me here are certainly a fireworks display of schisms; with love and dedication as the damn gunpowder. Like a bath of LSD every frigging time.

At this point, figuring out the interpersonal history that got me here would require a science of incredible explanatory power - there's been so many agendas perspectives in the garden of forking paths that the single golden braid has felt closer to a ball and chain. Many self-contained implosions have lead to many departures; a mess that was never even mine to clean up in the first place. A tough few years of eating death and processing schism.

Lachrymose and hollowed out from the trek I find space to fill up and evolve once again; as if an exceptionally dark night of the soul descended on me and is now beginning to lift as a long set of historical narratives dissolve into nothing. No longer the servant a newfound sense of liberation sets in.

Reaching the bottom of the chasm - my heart bleed calls me out of the grave and back into action; off to see dear friend on the other side of the world. Will to life man. Time to drink from the fountain of life again - good advice homie. Dropping the stone of Saturn, I tell myself to suck it up butter cup and get the fucking led out.

From all the catharsis I'm starting to feel pretty damn dangerous at this point; I recognise how many people have been using me as their personal scapegoate - outsourcing their baggage and projections upon me. Having done a lot of my own cleanup work at this point I can triangulate the sociopathy from a mile away and by god justice will be as swift and unforgiving as a samuaris blade. Way of the peaceful warrior man... Bushido cuts.